Is this the life you THOUGHT it would be?

COMMENT:  When you look back at the beginning of your relationship, do you remember the visions that danced in your head?  The romance, the passion, the PARTNERSHIP?   How about the basics, like having  someone to count on, someone to cry with, someone to talk about your day with, someone to share your glory and tribulations with, someone to make you laugh, someone to cherish you?  Didn't you expect that you would maintain your own life?  Your independence - at least to a point?  Your friends, family, colleagues?  Is it all you thought it would be?

RELATIVE EXPERIENCE:  HA!  When I envisioned marriage, I had all those sugar plum ideas.  The reality was something completely different.  I have spent the last 2 years trying to get over how angry, betrayed and stupid I felt for staying in that relationship. I have had some professional counselling, countless hours of non-professional counselling, and hundreds of pages of journal entries to try and get this crap out of my system. It's taking a REALLY LONG TIME.

SUGGESTIONS: You have to watch out for a few things.  If you are dealing with ANY of the following, seek the assistance of a professional - abuse of ANY substance (alcohol, cocaine, heroin, sleeping pills, pain killers, pot, food, cigarettes, coffee) abuse means that it's used in excess on a regular basis... weapons around your house (my husband kept 2 Russian SKS rifles in our bedroom), not calling when s/he's not going to be home at the normal time, avoiding family/household responsibilities, financial mismanagement.   All of these things point towards something unhealthy in the psyche of your partner.  S/he is not dealing with an issue, and it is going to affect your relationship until it's dealt with.  Depending on the issue, it may only get worse and amplify the symptoms, which inevitably will affect you directly.